Monday, March 06, 2006
Such are the joys
I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this about this, but I felt that in the need for full disclosure, I should.
About 10 days ago, I awoke to find a bump on my back about 5cm in diameter and raised about 1-2cm. It was quite painful. I assumed it was nothing and ignored it. Then I decided that it wasn't getting better, so I decided to not ignore it.
But actually, the story starts way back in a distant time I call November. That's when I first noticed this bump, except that back then it was quite small and painless. I assumed it was nothing, and, since I didn't have health insurance at the time, ignored it.
Blah blah blah, I go to the doctor, and it's an infected abscess. So I'm not going to die or anything. I'm given antibiotics and told to get it incised and drained. To myself I think, "Antibiotics + infection = no more infection," and think that this small chapter of my life is over.
Except that antibiotics usually don't kill abscesses. Why? Because abscesses create little sacs of pus that the bloodstream can't get to. The body does this to prevent the infection from spreading, which is good, but this also keeps the antibiotics out, which is bad.
So now I realize that 1) this thing is getting bigger and a lot more painful, and 2) it's not going to go away on its own. So I spend six hours at the emergency room Saturday night.
Now, when I hear, "incise" and "drain", I'm thinking that this will be a simple procedure where a little slice is made and all the pus will drain right out. Boy was I wrong. Remember that sac business? Well that means that the doctor must make sure that he breaks open each one, otherwise the infection will come back gangbusters.
Also, if the look on the doctors' faces is any indication, I had a gigantic abscess and I was nuts for having walked around with it for so long.
The doctor who did my drainage was a mad Arabian named Ali. The process began innocently enough, with three shots to numb the area. Now remember that I'm lying on my stomach and can't see what's going on, so a lot of this story comes to me second hand from Beth.
Apparently, Dr. Ali Mengele made a small cut with his scalpel, which produced a stream of pus Beth compared to a water gun. This is good -- this is what I expected. At the time I felt nothing, so I was thinking that this wouldn't be so bad.
Then things got nuts.
It turns out that the pus-sac-destroying-and-pus-extraction-procedure is quite painful.
There was a lot of digging around inside me with sharp sharp tools. The pain was such that I think that anesthesia was a placebo. Then Dr. Death would use his hands to force out my innards. This process is going on, and then suddenly, as the doctor is pushing really hard on my back -- POP!!!! -- (P.S. stop reading right now if you get squeamish).
It gets very quiet. I feel something on the back of my neck. I open my eyes, my blood is everywhere. I ask what's going on ... nothing. I ask again -- apparently, the force of the doctor's hands alone popped one of the sacs without it having been cut first. This forced all the stuff that was inside out instantly. Because the size of the cut in my skin was small, this had the effect of putting your finger over a hose and shot the junk skyward ... all over the back of my head ... and all over the doctor's face.
The doctor leaves to go clean his face. I didn't see any of this either. When he comes back there's 10 more minutes (which seemed like 5 hours) or cutting, pushing, wiping. Beth says that there was a lot of blood. I think the doctor grossly underestimated my ability to grow pus and bleed prodigiously.
I feel much better now without a fiery peach pit on my back. However, I'm not completely done yet. I have to go and get the wound looked at later today to make sure that they got everything and that it's healing right.
Nasty business, this abscess stuff.
|
About 10 days ago, I awoke to find a bump on my back about 5cm in diameter and raised about 1-2cm. It was quite painful. I assumed it was nothing and ignored it. Then I decided that it wasn't getting better, so I decided to not ignore it.
But actually, the story starts way back in a distant time I call November. That's when I first noticed this bump, except that back then it was quite small and painless. I assumed it was nothing, and, since I didn't have health insurance at the time, ignored it.
Blah blah blah, I go to the doctor, and it's an infected abscess. So I'm not going to die or anything. I'm given antibiotics and told to get it incised and drained. To myself I think, "Antibiotics + infection = no more infection," and think that this small chapter of my life is over.
Except that antibiotics usually don't kill abscesses. Why? Because abscesses create little sacs of pus that the bloodstream can't get to. The body does this to prevent the infection from spreading, which is good, but this also keeps the antibiotics out, which is bad.
So now I realize that 1) this thing is getting bigger and a lot more painful, and 2) it's not going to go away on its own. So I spend six hours at the emergency room Saturday night.
Now, when I hear, "incise" and "drain", I'm thinking that this will be a simple procedure where a little slice is made and all the pus will drain right out. Boy was I wrong. Remember that sac business? Well that means that the doctor must make sure that he breaks open each one, otherwise the infection will come back gangbusters.
Also, if the look on the doctors' faces is any indication, I had a gigantic abscess and I was nuts for having walked around with it for so long.
The doctor who did my drainage was a mad Arabian named Ali. The process began innocently enough, with three shots to numb the area. Now remember that I'm lying on my stomach and can't see what's going on, so a lot of this story comes to me second hand from Beth.
Apparently, Dr. Ali Mengele made a small cut with his scalpel, which produced a stream of pus Beth compared to a water gun. This is good -- this is what I expected. At the time I felt nothing, so I was thinking that this wouldn't be so bad.
Then things got nuts.
It turns out that the pus-sac-destroying-and-pus-extraction-procedure is quite painful.
There was a lot of digging around inside me with sharp sharp tools. The pain was such that I think that anesthesia was a placebo. Then Dr. Death would use his hands to force out my innards. This process is going on, and then suddenly, as the doctor is pushing really hard on my back -- POP!!!! -- (P.S. stop reading right now if you get squeamish).
It gets very quiet. I feel something on the back of my neck. I open my eyes, my blood is everywhere. I ask what's going on ... nothing. I ask again -- apparently, the force of the doctor's hands alone popped one of the sacs without it having been cut first. This forced all the stuff that was inside out instantly. Because the size of the cut in my skin was small, this had the effect of putting your finger over a hose and shot the junk skyward ... all over the back of my head ... and all over the doctor's face.
The doctor leaves to go clean his face. I didn't see any of this either. When he comes back there's 10 more minutes (which seemed like 5 hours) or cutting, pushing, wiping. Beth says that there was a lot of blood. I think the doctor grossly underestimated my ability to grow pus and bleed prodigiously.
I feel much better now without a fiery peach pit on my back. However, I'm not completely done yet. I have to go and get the wound looked at later today to make sure that they got everything and that it's healing right.
Nasty business, this abscess stuff.
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